WEBVTT
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Welcome back to Big Sexy Chat.
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Today we're talking with Liz, founder of Hips, Crips, and Queers, a dating and connection platform centered on fat, disabled, queer, and older folks.
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And for people who want to connect within their own communities.
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We cover her platform, her approach to community, and the gaps she's trying to fill with all that crystal and murph energy you love along the way.
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You'll want to swipe right at the end.
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Hey, you made it!
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Ha!
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You're just in time for a little something juicy with crystal and murph.
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Talking fat.
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Sex big feels hot, takes and kicks.
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We're breaking all the rules, babe.
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What you think?
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It's big.
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Sexy chair.
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Say it back now.
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Big sexy share.
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Let's go.
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Hey there, everybody.
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Welcome back to Big Sexy Chat.
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My name is Crystal and I'm here with my beautiful co-host, Merv.
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Hi Merv.
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Hi.
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Hi, and it's so great.
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We have a really fun guest today.
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She and I just met recently at my event called Fat Joy.
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We have Liz Gertz.
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Is that how I say it right, Liz?
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Gortz.
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GERTS, sorry.
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Yeah.
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There's an error there.
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Welcome.
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Liz is the founder of Hibscripts and Queers or Hibpscriptsqueers.com.
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And she and I met finally in person at the Fat Joy event, but I've definitely been aware of your work for ages.
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And I know you've been involved in fat liberation for a really long time.
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But welcome.
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Tell everybody a little bit about you.
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Thank you.
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It's so good to be here.
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Yeah, I'm happy you're here.
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Yeah, I've been listening to your podcast for before I even knew that you knew Bertha.
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So thank you.
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Yeah, I really like your podcast.
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Um, so I think I made hip scripts and queers because I want to find a date or many dates.
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It's for it's a dating and community site for people who are fat, disabled, old, and queer.
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But you don't have to be all of them.
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You know, you just have to, it's centered on that.
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But you can join if you're just like one or two of those.
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And it's a place where we center fat liberation, disability justice.
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Um, you know, being old is fine.
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Using a cane is like normal.
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You've got stretch marks, you don't need to hide them.
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Um, we're not going to be talking about like weight loss on the forum.
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It's all about like accepting us as we are and finding a comfortable space for us to get to know each other, hopefully find love if that's what we want.
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If you're a polyamorous, you can come.
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If you just want to be friends, you can come.
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That's the vibe.
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I love it.
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Thank you for creating this community.
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And I guess my main favorite thing about this is that you are really creating a place for people to have community, which we know we don't have enough of.
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You identify with the word fat, correct?
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Absolutely.
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Awesome.
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Currently, I'm able-bodied.
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I'm always curious about the word Crips because I don't feel like it's my word.
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And so I wonder if you could tell me a little bit more.
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I know you're very inclusive when it comes to the language, and I know that fat is we don't consider fat a bad word in our community.
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But tell me about Crips.
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Like, can I use that word?
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I I feel weird.
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Like it's not my word.
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You know, you might not want to use it in like regular conversation since you aren't disabled.
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Um, but I think it's fine in the title of the website, you know, to just let you know.
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Because we all know what it is.
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And if you don't, when you come on the website, it's all explained.
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There's agreements you have to join, stuff you have to read through, explainers.
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So most people understand that um it's uh it's like a slur that's been reclaimed.
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So something can't hurt you if you've already reclaimed it.
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If somebody calls me fat, I'm like uh yeah, and so if somebody calls me a crap because I'm disabled, I'm like, yeah, and it's the same idea.
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I love that.
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I'm curious.
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Um what uh when you're thinking about like all these dating apps that say they're inclusive, you know, um, we clearly know that they're not.
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What what was kind of like your turning point?
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What made you decide like I've had enough?
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I'm doing this on my own.
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It's actually that I've seen so many people who've given up.
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It wasn't even that I try the dating sites again this time, it's just that I know so many people who are awesome, including myself, but just like a ton of friends that I've met in the Bay Area, and they are people would be so lucky to have them as dates, partners, whatever you're into.
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And people have just given up because people swipe left if you're fat, they swipe left if they see you're in your wheelchair, they swipe left, you know, if you're older than they want.
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I mean, people just love to date people younger than themselves.
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I've got stories about that too.
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And so I mean, queer is almost incidental, except that I just really wanted to have like a queer ethic and queer people to feel comfortable.
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But even on queer sites, especially sometimes on queer sites, if you're fat, older, disabled, people just swipe left.
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So that's what made me do it.
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Very cool.
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The world needs more of this, obviously.
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I know it's so difficult.
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I don't date anymore, but when I was dating, dating as a fat person is really complicated.
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And I can only imagine the layers that get added when you have, you know, multiple, I don't I don't want to call them marginalizations, but multiple adjectives that describe you and your body.
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And I know when I was dating online, I just like put it all out there.
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Here's how fat I am, here's how old I am, here's what I need.
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Like I just lay it all out because I don't fucking waste my time.
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And also, I feel like your website would be more like I wouldn't be like the rare one on there, like the only fat who's like calls herself fat.
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I would be amongst people who all maybe not necessarily all of them, but a lot of them will be fat and also open to dating fat people.
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Right.
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You may not be fat, but you may you need to be to to be in the public forums there, you need to be fat aware.
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And I know there's gonna be a lot of education needed, just like you asked about the crypto, but that's fine.
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I mostly want a place where people who are fat and disabled and all feel comfortable, and also just that we're the regular that you see.
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You know, we're not gonna be like I recently went on um a website made for um disabled people.
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I think it was more like actually for like autism and maybe ADHD, stuff like that.
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But all the pictures were young, thin people and seemingly able-bodied.
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What kind of harm do you think people underestimate about dating apps?
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What kind of harm did you say?
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Yeah, do you think like that they underestimate?
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Like, I know we all think like, you know, women go on a date and they're concerned that they're gonna get murdered, and the guy's concerned like he'll spill something on a shirt, or you know, like we underestimate things uh, you know, pretty pretty intensely.
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And I I think you know, a lot of people uh we're talking about marginalized populations, so you know, there's a lot of vulnerability there.
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And I I think that a lot of times people don't our our community, I think, uh almost overestimates because they expect something terrible to happen on a dating site.
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But where would you say like people like underestimate with stuff like this?
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Have you seen or heard anything where where that would give you an indication?
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Well, I've myself experienced a lot of invisibility, like just nobody, you know, wants to talk to somebody who calls themselves fat, looks fat, or even just says, you know, I hate it, of course.
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I'm sure you do too.
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You know, I'm fat, and people are like, oh no, no, you're not that you know, like whatever.
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But there's also people who are vulnerable tend to get scammed more as well, and people are really afraid of that.
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The other thing is that people are afraid of being fetter sized, and I know some people want to be fetter sized, but I think you need to be upfront about it.
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And there's also a way like you like fat bodies, I want you to like fat bodies because I'm fat, but I also want you to know me as a person, not just be like, you know, don't not just like care about how like the roles of my body, but my belly fall or whatever.
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So yeah, it those are the things that came up a lot when I was trying to figure out whether this website was needed.
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Yeah, I imagine with the the fetishization, like that that has got to be probably a huge element of those that are looking or that are gonna kind of poke around for that just to kind of see.
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Like I'm imagining the the feeders, you know, that are gonna want the feedies and that sort of thing.
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Um it's just it stinks that we don't get the opportunity to just have a space where it's like, yeah, we're just here and we're gonna, you know, choose a partner and uh learn more about people.
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And it's like you gotta go in with all this armor, and it's so nice to know that you're creating a space where we're likely not gonna have to do that.
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Like that's the goal, but the trolls still kind of make their way in.
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I can imagine that for folks, you know, who have only been fetishized, like that's that's gotta be pretty problematic for them.
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So I have two things to say about that.
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First of all, feeders and feedies, you're welcome.
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You can come in, just declare who you are, what you want, and then don't go after people who aren't into it.
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That's any fetish, as long as you're upfront about it and respectful, I'm fine with that.
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And the site will be fine with that and we will respect you.
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But we also have moderators who will go after and deal with people who are not.
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And we're first gonna do that by trying to call people in by educate.
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We're not gonna like make it a place where we're gonna you'll be booted out.
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But if you won't talk, if you won't come around, if you won't be educated and be respectful going forward, we're gonna boot you out.
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That's noble.
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I like that.
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That's noble.
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What's noble about it?
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Uh that you're giving them a an opportunity to learn to learn and that you're gonna spend the time to like explain and and direct them.
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That's that's huge.
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I I love it.
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It's just wow, like that's fantastic.
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I was gonna say you don't see that a lot where people get a chance because I think you're right.
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Yeah, you can welcome the features, the CDs, but make sure you're fucking up front about it.
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Don't be backdoor on all this stuff, and yeah.
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Transparency.
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Yeah, transparency, that's the word.
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I like that.
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There's less harm, you know, there's less opportunities for harm when things are transparent, and especially when you're educating people too.
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I didn't even think about the scamming thing, but I know older people often get scammed, but I'm sure people with disabilities probably get scammed as well.
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People want to love bomb you and you know, oh, you're so great, and that you want your money or whatever.
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I didn't even think about that.
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I think anybody who's vulnerable in any way, I mean, anybody can get scammed, but anyone who is really needing love and is not getting it is vulnerable to being scammed.
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People are really good at it too.
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I see it all the time in my daily work.
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It's it's it's probably one of the most common yet most difficult and complex to unravel.
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When someone's lonely and you know, they just really want to be around other people, they'll subject themselves to just the cruelest people in the world.
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I'm glad that this space is being created so that people will have something to go to and have community and not have to, you know, rely on those other types of dating apps where somebody's gonna just be disrespectful to them.
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What's your delay work?
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Oh, I'm a therapist.
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I work at a uh domestic violence and rape crisis shelter.
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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I saw on your website that you're taking the photos and checking to see if these people, the photos people are using are scam photos like they've been used somewhere else, or how does that work?
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So um there's an app at API called Tin I, and they do reverse image search.
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So um it was a little bit of a challenge to figure out who to go with as far as scam prevention goes, because of trans people often don't have ID that matches who they are.
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So I didn't want to like do any of those things where you have to like show your ID and like take a picture of yourself with your ID.
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So that's why we're doing reverse image search, and it searches for pictures that have been used other places and often.
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So that's you know, our stock photos.
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That's often how people will get on and scam people.
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This just gave me a random thought, which is a little bit off the topic.
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But then I have a lot of trans clients at my day job doing hair removal.
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I was thinking, I hope that trans people understand how to keep their own photos safe, like no geotagging or whatever, because gosh, it could be a really unsafe if you you reverse image search.
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I'm not talking about within your app, I'm talking about just in life in general.
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Just all of a sudden hit me, oh, they have to probably be extra careful with their images.
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What do you mean with reverse image search?
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Just like if someone, let's say I'm a trans person, I've been dating, and I have my photos everywhere on some other dates, dating sites, and then it like might give some indication where you are when other people search for that, if they do a reverse search with Google or whatever.
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I hope that they're aware that you know there's ways to be safe with your photos so that people can't find your geotag and find where you are, just because, you know, I mean, not so much here in the Bay Area, but some people are very hateful towards trans people, as we know.
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Yeah.
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I mean, we will we strip that location and stuff off.
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I figured, yeah.
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Yeah.
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Like, like I said, it was a total offshoot, just like thinking of my these lovely people that I work with, you know.
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I think, oh, I always worry about their safety.
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Because, you know, people are especially under this or or this uh administration.
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It's but what if people want to just hook up?
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Is this a can can they go there to hook up?
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Yes, you can definitely go there to hike up.
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Right.
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Yeah, yeah.
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You can hack up, and we're also gonna have um workshops and flirting workshops and speed dating workshops, and um, we're gonna have as one of our first ones um how to do BDSM when you're disabled.
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Very cool.
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Yeah.
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Oh, what has like been the most exciting part of this launch coming up for you, Liz?
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I don't know.
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I don't know.
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I'm actually pretty terrified at the moment.
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Yeah, I'm sure, but it's so good.
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It's like that scared excitement mix.
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Yeah, unless I'm like working, like cutting, coding, I'm just it's all so much.
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But um, I mean, if it comes true, I would be so filled with joy if everything goes well.
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You know, people are happy and meeting each other, you know.
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But I find a day, it's gonna be extremely satisfying.
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And people who are practicing ethical non-monogamy, EM, and I know you mentioned polyamorous people in the beginning.
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Yeah, and then some people can go on there for non-romantic friendships as well, right?
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Just friendships.
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Yes.
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So the forums are completely free, and anybody can go on there and make friends.
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So yeah, we want you to come and hang out, definitely.
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Well, and the the education portion, like it it really sounds like you've focused on every aspect of like how to create a community through an app.
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Like that's that's incredible.
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It's exciting too.
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Yeah, well, my day job is restorative justice.
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So like I really am not into throwing people away.
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Like, I'm really into saying, can you can you join?
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And for some people get their feelings or they get canceled, even if their heart is in the right place because they say the wrong thing.
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So, you know, I'm gonna be having like a retreat with moderators so that we can all get on the same page about this kind of thing.
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It's awesome.
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Yeah.
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How fun! And you do it, you already are having events, like I think you said like the fourth Wednesday.
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We have a book group that we're just finishing the first book, which is Parable of the Sower.
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We have uh crafting hangout, so you can just come and like do whatever craft you want and talk to people.
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The other thing is that sometimes people do skill shares at the same time.
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So Ruia, who I didn't even know they were coming on here one day, like I just opened my podcast queue, put it on, and there they are.
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So Ruia is a big part of this site, and they're doing marketing and um oh yeah, what I was gonna say is that they did um a creative writing skillshare, which was really deep.
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So um and then the other one is just a hangout, and that those are what we've been doing all since last Valentine's Day, and next Valentine's Day will be the launch of the site.
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Nice.
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We were talk when we talked with Rao Yua.
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Um they were saying that uh they're really into kink.
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And so when you said the first uh workshop's gonna be that BDSM, I was like, oh, I wonder if they're involved.
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Yeah, no, it's not done, but they are gonna be doing um like a love vibe workshop.
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I don't know exactly who it's gonna be, but I know it's gonna be great.
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What about body doubling?