Dare To Date: Meet Hips, Crips & Queers

Send us a text What if dating apps were built for real bodies? Real needs. Real safety. In this episode, we sit down with Liz Gewirtz, the founder of Hips, Crips & Queers, a new dating and community platform centering queer, fat, disabled, and older folks. Liz shares what pushed her to build something entirely different from the swipe-and-discard culture most of us know too well, and what it looks like to design a space rooted in fat liberation, disability justice, consent, and actual hum...

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Jan. 11, 2026

Dare To Date: Meet Hips, Crips & Queers

Send us a text What if dating apps were built for real bodies? Real needs. Real safety. In this episode, we sit down with Liz Gewirtz, the founder of Hips, Crips & Queers, a new dating and community platform centering queer, fat, disabled, and older folks. Liz shares what pushed her to build something entirely different from the swipe-and-discard culture most of us know too well, and what it looks like to design a space rooted in fat liberation, disability justice, consent, and actual hum...

Send us a text

What if dating apps were built for real bodies? Real needs. Real safety.

In this episode, we sit down with Liz Gewirtz, the founder of Hips, Crips & Queers, a new dating and community platform centering queer, fat, disabled, and older folks.

Liz shares what pushed her to build something entirely different from the swipe-and-discard culture most of us know too well, and what it looks like to design a space rooted in fat liberation, disability justice, consent, and actual human connection.

We talk about:

Why mainstream dating apps fail marginalized bodies
Reclaiming language, identity, and desire
Safety, scam prevention, and avoiding fetishization
Creating community, not just matches
Dating while fat, disabled, queer, older, neurodivergent, or all of the above
Why representation and visibility still matter deeply
And what it means to dare to date in a world that often tells you not to

This conversation is honest, thoughtful, funny, political, tender, and deeply human.

If you’ve ever felt invisible in dating spaces, this one is for you.

About our guest:

Liz Gewirtz is the founder of Hips, Crips & Queers, a dating and community website centering queer, fat, disabled, and older folks.

By day, she works as a Restorative Justice Facilitator. By night, she’s a fat, disabled, old, and queer activist, community builder, big-time nerd, and devoted dog rescuer.

Learn more & get involved:

You can explore and sign up for updates at:
https://hipscripsqueers.com

Follow Hips, Crips & Queers on social media to stay up to date on the launch, events, and community spaces.

Support the show

BigSexyChat.com appreciates you and our community. We do this for you, so if you ever have any ideas about a subject we can discuss for you, email us at bigsexychatpod@gmail.com.

You can find us on Facebook and Instagram as BigSexyChat.
Twitter (who knows how long we will stay there) is BigSexyChatPod

Check out our merch at www.BigSexyTees.com (credit to Toni Tails for setting this up for us!)

Chrystal also sells sex toys via her website BlissConnection.com and you can use the code BSC20 for 20% off.

Big thanks to our Sponsor Liberator Bedroom Adventures. We ADORE the products from Liberator. And, to be clear, we all loved their products even before they became a sponsor!

00:00 - Welcome And Guest Introduction

01:45 - The Vision Behind HCQ

03:45 - Language, Reclamation, And Safety

05:50 - Why Mainstream Apps Fail

08:10 - Invisibility, Fetishization, And Scams

11:20 - Moderation With Restorative Justice

13:40 - Workshops, Hookups, And Community Care

16:10 - Safety Tech And Trans-Inclusive Verification

19:00 - Neurodivergence, Body Doubling, And Access

22:00 - Designing Inclusive Profiles And Choices

25:40 - Touch, Cuddle Parties, And Accessibility

28:10 - Third Spaces, Book Clubs, And Events

31:00 - Launch Plans, Beta Testing, And Success Stories

34:10 - No Diet Culture, No GLP-1 Ads

36:10 - Representation, Yo-Yo Culture, And Visibility

39:00 - How To Join And Spread The Word

41:45 - Coaching, Rejection, And Showing Up

WEBVTT

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Welcome back to Big Sexy Chat.

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Today we're talking with Liz, founder of Hips, Crips, and Queers, a dating and connection platform centered on fat, disabled, queer, and older folks.

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And for people who want to connect within their own communities.

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We cover her platform, her approach to community, and the gaps she's trying to fill with all that crystal and murph energy you love along the way.

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You'll want to swipe right at the end.

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Hey, you made it!

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Ha!

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You're just in time for a little something juicy with crystal and murph.

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Talking fat.

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Sex big feels hot, takes and kicks.

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We're breaking all the rules, babe.

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What you think?

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It's big.

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Sexy chair.

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Say it back now.

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Big sexy share.

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Let's go.

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Hey there, everybody.

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Welcome back to Big Sexy Chat.

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My name is Crystal and I'm here with my beautiful co-host, Merv.

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Hi Merv.

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Hi.

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Hi, and it's so great.

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We have a really fun guest today.

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She and I just met recently at my event called Fat Joy.

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We have Liz Gertz.

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Is that how I say it right, Liz?

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Gortz.

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GERTS, sorry.

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Yeah.

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There's an error there.

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Welcome.

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Liz is the founder of Hibscripts and Queers or Hibpscriptsqueers.com.

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And she and I met finally in person at the Fat Joy event, but I've definitely been aware of your work for ages.

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And I know you've been involved in fat liberation for a really long time.

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But welcome.

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Tell everybody a little bit about you.

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Thank you.

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It's so good to be here.

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Yeah, I'm happy you're here.

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Yeah, I've been listening to your podcast for before I even knew that you knew Bertha.

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So thank you.

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Yeah, I really like your podcast.

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Um, so I think I made hip scripts and queers because I want to find a date or many dates.

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It's for it's a dating and community site for people who are fat, disabled, old, and queer.

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But you don't have to be all of them.

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You know, you just have to, it's centered on that.

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But you can join if you're just like one or two of those.

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And it's a place where we center fat liberation, disability justice.

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Um, you know, being old is fine.

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Using a cane is like normal.

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You've got stretch marks, you don't need to hide them.

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Um, we're not going to be talking about like weight loss on the forum.

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It's all about like accepting us as we are and finding a comfortable space for us to get to know each other, hopefully find love if that's what we want.

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If you're a polyamorous, you can come.

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If you just want to be friends, you can come.

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That's the vibe.

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I love it.

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Thank you for creating this community.

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And I guess my main favorite thing about this is that you are really creating a place for people to have community, which we know we don't have enough of.

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You identify with the word fat, correct?

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Absolutely.

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Awesome.

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Currently, I'm able-bodied.

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I'm always curious about the word Crips because I don't feel like it's my word.

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And so I wonder if you could tell me a little bit more.

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I know you're very inclusive when it comes to the language, and I know that fat is we don't consider fat a bad word in our community.

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But tell me about Crips.

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Like, can I use that word?

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I I feel weird.

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Like it's not my word.

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You know, you might not want to use it in like regular conversation since you aren't disabled.

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Um, but I think it's fine in the title of the website, you know, to just let you know.

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Because we all know what it is.

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And if you don't, when you come on the website, it's all explained.

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There's agreements you have to join, stuff you have to read through, explainers.

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So most people understand that um it's uh it's like a slur that's been reclaimed.

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So something can't hurt you if you've already reclaimed it.

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If somebody calls me fat, I'm like uh yeah, and so if somebody calls me a crap because I'm disabled, I'm like, yeah, and it's the same idea.

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I love that.

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I'm curious.

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Um what uh when you're thinking about like all these dating apps that say they're inclusive, you know, um, we clearly know that they're not.

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What what was kind of like your turning point?

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What made you decide like I've had enough?

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I'm doing this on my own.

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It's actually that I've seen so many people who've given up.

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It wasn't even that I try the dating sites again this time, it's just that I know so many people who are awesome, including myself, but just like a ton of friends that I've met in the Bay Area, and they are people would be so lucky to have them as dates, partners, whatever you're into.

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And people have just given up because people swipe left if you're fat, they swipe left if they see you're in your wheelchair, they swipe left, you know, if you're older than they want.

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I mean, people just love to date people younger than themselves.

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I've got stories about that too.

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And so I mean, queer is almost incidental, except that I just really wanted to have like a queer ethic and queer people to feel comfortable.

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But even on queer sites, especially sometimes on queer sites, if you're fat, older, disabled, people just swipe left.

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So that's what made me do it.

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Very cool.

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The world needs more of this, obviously.

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I know it's so difficult.

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I don't date anymore, but when I was dating, dating as a fat person is really complicated.

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And I can only imagine the layers that get added when you have, you know, multiple, I don't I don't want to call them marginalizations, but multiple adjectives that describe you and your body.

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And I know when I was dating online, I just like put it all out there.

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Here's how fat I am, here's how old I am, here's what I need.

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Like I just lay it all out because I don't fucking waste my time.

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And also, I feel like your website would be more like I wouldn't be like the rare one on there, like the only fat who's like calls herself fat.

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I would be amongst people who all maybe not necessarily all of them, but a lot of them will be fat and also open to dating fat people.

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Right.

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You may not be fat, but you may you need to be to to be in the public forums there, you need to be fat aware.

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And I know there's gonna be a lot of education needed, just like you asked about the crypto, but that's fine.

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I mostly want a place where people who are fat and disabled and all feel comfortable, and also just that we're the regular that you see.

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You know, we're not gonna be like I recently went on um a website made for um disabled people.

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I think it was more like actually for like autism and maybe ADHD, stuff like that.

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But all the pictures were young, thin people and seemingly able-bodied.

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What kind of harm do you think people underestimate about dating apps?

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What kind of harm did you say?

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Yeah, do you think like that they underestimate?

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Like, I know we all think like, you know, women go on a date and they're concerned that they're gonna get murdered, and the guy's concerned like he'll spill something on a shirt, or you know, like we underestimate things uh, you know, pretty pretty intensely.

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And I I think you know, a lot of people uh we're talking about marginalized populations, so you know, there's a lot of vulnerability there.

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And I I think that a lot of times people don't our our community, I think, uh almost overestimates because they expect something terrible to happen on a dating site.

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But where would you say like people like underestimate with stuff like this?

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Have you seen or heard anything where where that would give you an indication?

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Well, I've myself experienced a lot of invisibility, like just nobody, you know, wants to talk to somebody who calls themselves fat, looks fat, or even just says, you know, I hate it, of course.

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I'm sure you do too.

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You know, I'm fat, and people are like, oh no, no, you're not that you know, like whatever.

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But there's also people who are vulnerable tend to get scammed more as well, and people are really afraid of that.

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The other thing is that people are afraid of being fetter sized, and I know some people want to be fetter sized, but I think you need to be upfront about it.

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And there's also a way like you like fat bodies, I want you to like fat bodies because I'm fat, but I also want you to know me as a person, not just be like, you know, don't not just like care about how like the roles of my body, but my belly fall or whatever.

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So yeah, it those are the things that came up a lot when I was trying to figure out whether this website was needed.

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Yeah, I imagine with the the fetishization, like that that has got to be probably a huge element of those that are looking or that are gonna kind of poke around for that just to kind of see.

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Like I'm imagining the the feeders, you know, that are gonna want the feedies and that sort of thing.

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Um it's just it stinks that we don't get the opportunity to just have a space where it's like, yeah, we're just here and we're gonna, you know, choose a partner and uh learn more about people.

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And it's like you gotta go in with all this armor, and it's so nice to know that you're creating a space where we're likely not gonna have to do that.

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Like that's the goal, but the trolls still kind of make their way in.

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I can imagine that for folks, you know, who have only been fetishized, like that's that's gotta be pretty problematic for them.

00:10:13.759 --> 00:10:15.679
So I have two things to say about that.

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First of all, feeders and feedies, you're welcome.

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You can come in, just declare who you are, what you want, and then don't go after people who aren't into it.

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That's any fetish, as long as you're upfront about it and respectful, I'm fine with that.

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And the site will be fine with that and we will respect you.

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But we also have moderators who will go after and deal with people who are not.

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And we're first gonna do that by trying to call people in by educate.

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We're not gonna like make it a place where we're gonna you'll be booted out.

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But if you won't talk, if you won't come around, if you won't be educated and be respectful going forward, we're gonna boot you out.

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That's noble.

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I like that.

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That's noble.

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What's noble about it?

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Uh that you're giving them a an opportunity to learn to learn and that you're gonna spend the time to like explain and and direct them.

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That's that's huge.

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I I love it.

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It's just wow, like that's fantastic.

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I was gonna say you don't see that a lot where people get a chance because I think you're right.

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Yeah, you can welcome the features, the CDs, but make sure you're fucking up front about it.

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Don't be backdoor on all this stuff, and yeah.

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Transparency.

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Yeah, transparency, that's the word.

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I like that.

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There's less harm, you know, there's less opportunities for harm when things are transparent, and especially when you're educating people too.

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I didn't even think about the scamming thing, but I know older people often get scammed, but I'm sure people with disabilities probably get scammed as well.

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People want to love bomb you and you know, oh, you're so great, and that you want your money or whatever.

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I didn't even think about that.

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I think anybody who's vulnerable in any way, I mean, anybody can get scammed, but anyone who is really needing love and is not getting it is vulnerable to being scammed.

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People are really good at it too.

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I see it all the time in my daily work.

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It's it's it's probably one of the most common yet most difficult and complex to unravel.

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When someone's lonely and you know, they just really want to be around other people, they'll subject themselves to just the cruelest people in the world.

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I'm glad that this space is being created so that people will have something to go to and have community and not have to, you know, rely on those other types of dating apps where somebody's gonna just be disrespectful to them.

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What's your delay work?

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Oh, I'm a therapist.

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I work at a uh domestic violence and rape crisis shelter.

00:12:49.039 --> 00:12:49.519
Yeah.

00:12:49.759 --> 00:12:50.240
Yeah.

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I saw on your website that you're taking the photos and checking to see if these people, the photos people are using are scam photos like they've been used somewhere else, or how does that work?

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So um there's an app at API called Tin I, and they do reverse image search.

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So um it was a little bit of a challenge to figure out who to go with as far as scam prevention goes, because of trans people often don't have ID that matches who they are.

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So I didn't want to like do any of those things where you have to like show your ID and like take a picture of yourself with your ID.

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So that's why we're doing reverse image search, and it searches for pictures that have been used other places and often.

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So that's you know, our stock photos.

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That's often how people will get on and scam people.

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This just gave me a random thought, which is a little bit off the topic.

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But then I have a lot of trans clients at my day job doing hair removal.

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I was thinking, I hope that trans people understand how to keep their own photos safe, like no geotagging or whatever, because gosh, it could be a really unsafe if you you reverse image search.

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I'm not talking about within your app, I'm talking about just in life in general.

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Just all of a sudden hit me, oh, they have to probably be extra careful with their images.

00:14:11.600 --> 00:14:13.919
What do you mean with reverse image search?

00:14:14.399 --> 00:14:26.559
Just like if someone, let's say I'm a trans person, I've been dating, and I have my photos everywhere on some other dates, dating sites, and then it like might give some indication where you are when other people search for that, if they do a reverse search with Google or whatever.

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I hope that they're aware that you know there's ways to be safe with your photos so that people can't find your geotag and find where you are, just because, you know, I mean, not so much here in the Bay Area, but some people are very hateful towards trans people, as we know.

00:14:40.399 --> 00:14:40.879
Yeah.

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I mean, we will we strip that location and stuff off.

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I figured, yeah.

00:14:46.879 --> 00:14:47.039
Yeah.

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Like, like I said, it was a total offshoot, just like thinking of my these lovely people that I work with, you know.

00:14:51.840 --> 00:14:53.840
I think, oh, I always worry about their safety.

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Because, you know, people are especially under this or or this uh administration.

00:14:58.320 --> 00:15:00.559
It's but what if people want to just hook up?

00:15:00.639 --> 00:15:02.159
Is this a can can they go there to hook up?

00:15:02.320 --> 00:15:04.799
Yes, you can definitely go there to hike up.

00:15:05.120 --> 00:15:05.519
Right.

00:15:05.919 --> 00:15:06.960
Yeah, yeah.

00:15:07.600 --> 00:15:22.240
You can hack up, and we're also gonna have um workshops and flirting workshops and speed dating workshops, and um, we're gonna have as one of our first ones um how to do BDSM when you're disabled.

00:15:23.519 --> 00:15:24.720
Very cool.

00:15:24.960 --> 00:15:25.600
Yeah.

00:15:26.399 --> 00:15:31.519
Oh, what has like been the most exciting part of this launch coming up for you, Liz?

00:15:31.600 --> 00:15:32.000
I don't know.

00:15:33.200 --> 00:15:34.000
I don't know.

00:15:34.159 --> 00:15:36.559
I'm actually pretty terrified at the moment.

00:15:37.519 --> 00:15:39.360
Yeah, I'm sure, but it's so good.

00:15:39.440 --> 00:15:42.639
It's like that scared excitement mix.

00:15:42.960 --> 00:15:48.480
Yeah, unless I'm like working, like cutting, coding, I'm just it's all so much.

00:15:48.879 --> 00:15:53.840
But um, I mean, if it comes true, I would be so filled with joy if everything goes well.

00:15:54.000 --> 00:15:57.440
You know, people are happy and meeting each other, you know.

00:15:57.600 --> 00:16:02.159
But I find a day, it's gonna be extremely satisfying.

00:16:02.399 --> 00:16:09.919
And people who are practicing ethical non-monogamy, EM, and I know you mentioned polyamorous people in the beginning.

00:16:10.080 --> 00:16:13.919
Yeah, and then some people can go on there for non-romantic friendships as well, right?

00:16:14.000 --> 00:16:14.720
Just friendships.

00:16:14.960 --> 00:16:15.360
Yes.

00:16:15.679 --> 00:16:21.600
So the forums are completely free, and anybody can go on there and make friends.

00:16:21.919 --> 00:16:25.840
So yeah, we want you to come and hang out, definitely.

00:16:27.120 --> 00:16:36.879
Well, and the the education portion, like it it really sounds like you've focused on every aspect of like how to create a community through an app.

00:16:37.039 --> 00:16:39.039
Like that's that's incredible.

00:16:39.200 --> 00:16:40.720
It's exciting too.

00:16:41.039 --> 00:16:44.000
Yeah, well, my day job is restorative justice.

00:16:44.320 --> 00:16:48.080
So like I really am not into throwing people away.

00:16:48.240 --> 00:16:52.000
Like, I'm really into saying, can you can you join?

00:16:52.399 --> 00:16:59.360
And for some people get their feelings or they get canceled, even if their heart is in the right place because they say the wrong thing.

00:16:59.679 --> 00:17:07.519
So, you know, I'm gonna be having like a retreat with moderators so that we can all get on the same page about this kind of thing.

00:17:07.839 --> 00:17:08.799
It's awesome.

00:17:08.960 --> 00:17:09.359
Yeah.

00:17:09.680 --> 00:17:15.039
How fun! And you do it, you already are having events, like I think you said like the fourth Wednesday.

00:17:15.359 --> 00:17:22.319
We have a book group that we're just finishing the first book, which is Parable of the Sower.

00:17:22.720 --> 00:17:29.519
We have uh crafting hangout, so you can just come and like do whatever craft you want and talk to people.

00:17:29.759 --> 00:17:34.000
The other thing is that sometimes people do skill shares at the same time.

00:17:34.240 --> 00:17:43.839
So Ruia, who I didn't even know they were coming on here one day, like I just opened my podcast queue, put it on, and there they are.

00:17:44.079 --> 00:17:57.039
So Ruia is a big part of this site, and they're doing marketing and um oh yeah, what I was gonna say is that they did um a creative writing skillshare, which was really deep.

00:17:58.160 --> 00:18:08.559
So um and then the other one is just a hangout, and that those are what we've been doing all since last Valentine's Day, and next Valentine's Day will be the launch of the site.

00:18:09.599 --> 00:18:10.160
Nice.

00:18:10.400 --> 00:18:12.720
We were talk when we talked with Rao Yua.

00:18:13.039 --> 00:18:16.799
Um they were saying that uh they're really into kink.

00:18:16.880 --> 00:18:23.359
And so when you said the first uh workshop's gonna be that BDSM, I was like, oh, I wonder if they're involved.

00:18:24.000 --> 00:18:30.079
Yeah, no, it's not done, but they are gonna be doing um like a love vibe workshop.

00:18:30.240 --> 00:18:34.400
I don't know exactly who it's gonna be, but I know it's gonna be great.

00:18:35.039 --> 00:18:37.200
What about body doubling?

00:18:37.920 --> 00:18:42.000
Like the ADHD thing where people just get together online to get their shit done at the same time.

00:18:42.160 --> 00:18:46.480
Oh they call it body doubling, and it works really great for you like me with ADHD.

00:18:46.559 --> 00:18:50.640
Sometimes you just need someone else to be there in the room with you while you're doing your shit.

00:18:50.880 --> 00:18:51.599
That's interesting.

00:18:51.839 --> 00:18:53.359
That's a really good idea.

00:18:53.599 --> 00:18:56.400
I actually do that with three different people in my life.

00:18:56.559 --> 00:19:00.640
I also have ADHD, but that would be good to put on the forum.

00:19:01.039 --> 00:19:02.720
Do you know Kitty Stryker?

00:19:03.039 --> 00:19:06.880
No, that's how I learned about body doubling because she has ADHD.

00:19:06.960 --> 00:19:16.079
And uh, I'm like, at first I thought this is strange, and then I was like, oh wait, I have ADHD because it took me a while to figure that out because you know, menopause is how I figured it out finally.

00:19:16.240 --> 00:19:18.880
And um she's the one I first learned about this.

00:19:18.960 --> 00:19:31.039
So I was like, that now I'm like, I love body doubling, so that could be something for your ADHers, your neurodivergents, people that have um, yeah, it's like I have just so many things I need to do, and it's so hard for me to get them done.

00:19:31.440 --> 00:19:32.240
This is new for me.

00:19:32.319 --> 00:19:40.880
This not getting shit done thing is really just as fast as I had my urgent hysterectomy, all of a sudden I became a procrastinator and I don't like it at all.

00:19:41.200 --> 00:19:42.160
It's awful.

00:19:42.400 --> 00:19:46.960
I've actually had ADHD my whole life, but it really got worse.

00:19:47.119 --> 00:19:49.599
I mean horrible during pregnancy pause.

00:19:49.759 --> 00:19:50.960
Just a nightmare.

00:19:51.200 --> 00:19:52.880
I'm experiencing that right now.

00:19:53.119 --> 00:19:59.759
I was diagnosed with combination type ADHD and was like, oh well, this diagnosis would have been good to know.

00:20:00.400 --> 00:20:01.519
long time ago.

00:20:03.119 --> 00:20:05.759
Will you have a special place for the ADHers on your site?

00:20:07.279 --> 00:20:10.079
Um I guess we will.

00:20:10.559 --> 00:20:13.839
I think I'll go create that for him as soon as we get off of here.

00:20:14.319 --> 00:20:14.720
Yeah.

00:20:15.119 --> 00:20:19.279
So we definitely have an ADHD thing that you can put on your profile.

00:20:19.599 --> 00:20:22.720
But I think a community would be a great idea.

00:20:24.640 --> 00:20:24.960
Great.

00:20:25.680 --> 00:20:29.440
What what would you say surprised you the most about building this list?

00:20:31.200 --> 00:20:36.400
That there are so many niches that I just don't know anything about.

00:20:36.559 --> 00:20:39.839
And it's also hard to please everybody.

00:20:40.400 --> 00:20:48.880
So for instance, you know I all the profile fields are run through the people who they describe.

00:20:49.279 --> 00:20:59.200
And I was told at the beginning that um to have like a cis cis female cis male trans female trans male and nothing in between.

00:20:59.359 --> 00:21:02.559
So you'll have to identify who you are.

00:21:02.799 --> 00:21:10.319
And then I spoke to a lot of trans people who were like hell no we do not want to be forced into identifying who we are.

00:21:10.960 --> 00:21:17.519
So it's just learning about the parts of the community that I am not part of.

00:21:17.920 --> 00:21:36.559
Or even like um so I do have trans people in my life and was in a relationship with one but um things are changing now because of trans people actually going in the closet and they just do not want to have to say that they're trans on the war cloud.

00:21:36.799 --> 00:21:48.240
I don't blame them such a fucking bullshit when it becomes a safety concern it's just you know you're you're forced what a bummer.

00:21:48.480 --> 00:22:23.359
It just pisses me off because for a million reasons but also two percent of the population or less why are they so obsessed with trans people it just blows my mind but I digress what about you've heard of cuddle parties I'm sure I have I've always wanted to go to one but I'm like I don't I just don't want to have people cuddling with me that have to like touch my tummy and stuff you know but if there are other fat people that might be fun and also people are skin starved right ever since the pandemic it's a big thing where people aren't getting skin on skin.

00:22:23.519 --> 00:22:26.559
I'm not even sure as I talk about it gives me a little bit of anxiety.

00:22:26.720 --> 00:22:33.440
Not even sure I could really do it but I wonder if there's a way to get people more hugs and touch more oxytocin.

00:22:34.079 --> 00:22:43.759
Yeah so I haven't done a lot of looking into in person because I'm sure virtual pedaling is not really going to be helpful.

00:22:44.400 --> 00:22:59.759
But I'm wondering about that um would you want it to be fat only or could it be people who understood and maybe desired fat people too I don't know probably I mean I guess it gives you a lot of anxiety even thinking about it.

00:22:59.920 --> 00:23:27.039
But I would probably be okay with as long as they're aware that you know you might be cuddling fat people because some people are really they really just have disdain towards fat bodies yeah maybe we should have fat people only and then masked too so you know because people who are um autoimmune are disabled are autoimmune absolutely have autoimmune issues so really need to be masked.

00:23:27.200 --> 00:24:37.119
Now I mean probably everyone should be masked but it's especially in town for people who have autoimmune issues a masked cuddle party that's a great idea actually it's very um what's that movie where they have there's like having an orgy but everybody has everybody has a mask on eyes not the surgical mask though that's the one is an eye wide shut party you you you freaks both knew the name of that movie oh yeah I do too I just have fucking menopause so I can't remember shit what about a menopause uh uh what do you call it a uh affinity group okay I'm there why not just I don't know it's just all coming to me this is so fun I'm so excited for you and I'm so excited for everybody to have a place to go uh meet you too even for people that are coupled up like me I know I know just being friends and community like the the fact that there's a space for you to have forums and groups and clubs and that's huge.

00:24:37.279 --> 00:24:45.200
It is there's there's hardly any of those third spaces in general but let alone for specifically marginalized people is it's awesome.

00:24:45.440 --> 00:24:52.880
I know I know huh it's making me think we do need more in-person spaces too.

00:24:53.279 --> 00:25:07.279
Well you know we have that fat brunch group and I could always make sure that I put our fat brunch dates on the uh hip scriptsqueers.com website for the in the forum yeah that's a great idea and um not everybody wants to meet in person.

00:25:07.359 --> 00:25:16.400
I understand that the introverts don't want to meet in person I get that you know but some of us who are ambiverts or extroverts we we like meeting in person if we can in a safe place.

00:25:16.720 --> 00:25:22.319
I feel yeah I'm an introvert but I I want to meet in person in a safe space.

00:25:22.640 --> 00:25:45.440
You know what's the one of the things that made me start this website too is that since I moved to the Bay Area, I've been going to this lesbian book club and um they broke off from their main group which was lesbians a meetup and the person just like picked this name for the new group and they called it active lesbians over 50.

00:25:45.680 --> 00:26:01.759
So now all these people who want to hike in camp are coming into this book move and I'm like hey you know and just yeah people who are understanding about not being able to do all those things.

00:26:02.079 --> 00:26:16.640
Yeah absolutely I I think of um you know just the different niche groups like you were talking about like how how as we're just having this conversation you're already building out like three other forums or you know like that sort of thing.

00:26:16.880 --> 00:26:53.759
I think once it launches there's just going to be so much more that kind of percolates you know and and shows up um I'm really I'm really curious like with that launch what is the thing you're most anticipating because that it just feels like there's so much energy around it yeah I just want people to like be there and be excited and be happy and also I just want so right now all our virtual groups are like 5 30 Pacific time and I want people to take control and want to have groups in their own time zone.

00:26:54.000 --> 00:27:17.599
So I want it to like multiply and meet people's needs and um you know take on a life of its own what about success stories when you have people who decide to go off and do their thing and they can share you know I was going to say married but like I'm I've never been married I've been in two really long-term relationships so like marriage is up really for me.

00:27:17.680 --> 00:28:13.359
So I'm not I wouldn't necessarily say that's the only way to show success is by being married but people when they couple up or they you know go off into a thouple or they become committed come committed whatever that point is like maybe it'd be a place for people to put their success stories and just like we did it thanks to Liz yeah that's a perfect idea success stories I love that and whatever the success is yeah here's my hookup it was so much fun I had 10 orgasms yeah and I was thinking about sex toys too yeah I definitely wanted to get with you about the sex toys that would be yeah let's do it I like to yeah that that sounds like a fun I would I'd be happy to do that'd be really fun are you um are are you doing any kind of pre-registration or is there like a way for people to get involved early or they should just mark their calendars?

00:28:13.680 --> 00:28:33.440
So if you go to Hipscripsqueers.com right now there's a place to sign up where you'll be notified when it goes live you can also sign up there for the three different groups that are running monthly and you can sign up to be a beta tester which is going to happen in a couple weeks very cool.

00:28:33.680 --> 00:28:50.000
Liz I did that beta test with you am I considered in the database I don't have to go and re-register anything do I no you do actually oh I do okay I'll do that then beta tester you were like an interviewer I interviewed like 20 people walked them through the site so I could figure out what people really needed.

00:28:50.079 --> 00:29:20.799
That's where I learned like you know about what to put in the fields you know like I some people wanted CPO sexual as an as a choice and then a lot of people in the disability justice I mean like a lot of people like were like no that is actually um anti-disability because intelligence is so many there's so many different kinds of intelligence so that like came off the choices.

00:29:21.200 --> 00:29:26.000
There's just a lot of stuff to learn and that's where I learned it you were part of that round.

00:29:26.319 --> 00:29:27.119
That's so great.

00:29:27.279 --> 00:30:08.799
Wow I would never I mean to me of course I think everybody would be a sapiosexual but also maybe it comes across as a little elitist yeah no I I I stopped there's a lot of words around that that I had to stop the can you there was one in particular but anyway I can't remember it right now but um it's kind of the same as educating people not to call Trump fat as a yeah there's so many reasons to hate him that has nothing to do with his body exactly exactly yeah there's a lot of things I could say about him but I will right now because we're having fun talking about this cool new project that you have LG you know we launched our very first episode on Valentine's Day in 2022.

00:30:09.119 --> 00:30:29.200
Wow February 14th yeah it's our first of the fifth season right so yeah thanks for being here with us and so fun to meet you at Fat Joy in person and we're gonna do Fat Joy again I think May 3rd so um I hope you can go back for that as well especially since it's gonna be after your launch but what else can the world what else should the world know about you?

00:30:29.359 --> 00:30:30.799
What can they what can the world do for you?

00:30:30.880 --> 00:30:53.359
I know we all need to be sharing it like crazy and tell everybody about it and getting people on it fat whoever thin fat allies old queer disabilities everybody's welcome as long as they're not assholes right exactly but now I'm wondering if there should be a HCQ cuddle party after fat joy next time.

00:30:53.599 --> 00:31:18.319
There you go there you go I love that what people can do is like share their ideas and then maybe be willing to host them too people with big lush lush homes with really yummy warm and lots of accessibility that's the tricky part right we want to make sure things have more accessibility and that's what we all we all need to do better be better at that.

00:31:18.720 --> 00:31:39.839
Yeah their accessibility and but and there are ways to work with that too you know like a friend of mine just got had one step into their yard and they just put this really long ramp you know just like didn't have even have it built just it went all the way over from the top to into the garden.

00:31:40.079 --> 00:31:44.240
People could just you know walk over or you know use their wheelchair over it.

00:31:44.400 --> 00:32:09.119
Yeah I bought I bought one of those on Amazon once for my office where I was before because it had one step and so I put I bought one off of Amazon and I would put it down it was metal and then I would bring it back in and put it down when the person's coming and had a walker or a chair or it was just elderly and um yeah they're they're not as expensive as they used to be and I could move it by myself you know so it wasn't super heavy but it was a little bit heavy.

00:32:09.440 --> 00:32:18.240
Yeah and people can host I can help find places to host if you have an idea and you really want to do it I can help find a place for sure.

00:32:18.559 --> 00:33:01.440
So you're gonna be dating on this site as well uh yeah and I think we're also gonna have dating coaches and maybe um not right away but maybe matchmakers yeah I really want people who are feeling shy for whatever reason and and we all have lots of reasons to to be welcomed and are also coached, held by the hand you know that kind of thing I love that I it's so important in the work that I do and I just see how many people really just need the assistance of somebody walking them through something and a lot of things don't aren't covered by that you know and a lot of people don't care or won't take that time.

00:33:01.599 --> 00:33:09.359
That's why I said it's noble right like you're giving people extra chances you're explaining things you're educating like that's really awesome.

00:33:10.319 --> 00:33:37.599
I was gonna ask though with um with the change of all all um the apps and all those kinds of things happening with like marketing and um you know trying to get sponsors and those types of things this will be a space where people aren't going to have to worry about like seeing GLP one ads or things like that right now I just no there'll be no GLP1 ads.

00:33:37.759 --> 00:33:52.640
Hopefully there will be clothing companies that go up to 9X and you know well things that will include us but no not GLP1 God there's nowhere without them just everywhere.

00:33:52.960 --> 00:34:01.839
Seriously that's the reason I was like a place where we can all escape and like just be around others that get it like oh that would be amazing.

00:34:02.079 --> 00:34:15.679
Yeah and I'm not judging anyone who does GLG one whatever do whatever you need to do for yourself but this is a space where you don't talk about it because we need a space where yeah like you said where we're free from it.

00:34:16.079 --> 00:34:16.400
Yeah.

00:34:16.559 --> 00:34:21.920
And we need to see people who are like ourselves too yeah no diet culture.

00:34:22.239 --> 00:34:24.320
Exactly no diet culture.

00:34:24.719 --> 00:34:31.840
One of the things that's really sad about the GLP one is how there are less people that look like us now.

00:34:32.639 --> 00:34:35.519
The representation is so important.

00:34:36.400 --> 00:34:52.000
You know I was like a young dike activist and you know we did a lot of rallying around getting people on TV who look like us act like us you know have people who actually kiss each other and it's kind of sad now.

00:34:52.400 --> 00:35:05.920
Like I um I took my nieces to go see Lizzo and um one of them is fat and she was like frying with joy and it's sad.

00:35:06.079 --> 00:35:24.880
Also she's like a fashionista she went outside on the radio city hall like auddying and when she was wearing this like awesome outfit she'd made herself people were taking pictures and telling her how beautiful she was it's just like it's sad that that's gone because kids and other people need it.

00:35:26.480 --> 00:35:44.559
Yeah it's life changing when you have that it's like oh I can do this too wait I've never seen me in what I what I you know assume is like me and it's like okay now I finally get this one thing and everybody starts dragging it back.

00:35:44.639 --> 00:35:55.519
I haven't seen that happen with a lot of things other than our fat community of just like we have so much yo-yoing back and forth of this like it's great love yourself.

00:35:55.679 --> 00:36:01.360
Nope nope nope don't love yourself that much or you know it's just like this constant back and forth.

00:36:01.519 --> 00:36:23.679
I I want to see where I want to have it come to a day and it probably won't uh while I'm alive but like you mentioned where kids can be outside and having you know a great time and it doesn't matter their body size or type or what like just they're just being them and getting to experience what we're all getting to experience oh that would be amazing.

00:36:23.840 --> 00:36:45.360
Sorry so bucks it would be I know yeah no I think a lot of things yo-yo back and forth actually you know like right now I'd say it's really hard to be queer especially trans which just weren't true a while ago um I feel like it's way harder to be Jewish right now.

00:36:45.599 --> 00:36:58.800
I think things just yo-yo yeah yeah well yeah we're in an intense situation right now that's for sure with this administration so it's really fucking back in the dark ages so it's just so gross and so sad.

00:36:58.880 --> 00:37:21.119
And anyway I was like loving the the progress we were making and I'm hoping like we talked about on our last podcast with Big Ron and Saucy and with Bruce you know it's time to get come back outside again and more events more getting together more community events so we can be seen and you know be seen out having fun eating dinner dancing whatever we gotta we've got to be we gotta try to be seen again.

00:37:21.199 --> 00:37:22.320
I think it's time.

00:37:22.559 --> 00:37:46.400
Liz and Murph did you guys get to meet at uh fat joy I don't think we did I really did I saw on stage but we have yeah I think I was running around too much it was a great talk too much when you're stuck at the booth it's not like you get to go out and run around you know and then it's like I'm just running amok so yeah it was a great talk where if it was so good.

00:37:46.639 --> 00:37:50.400
Yeah it's so nice that the as a vendor we got to see everything.

00:37:50.559 --> 00:37:58.559
I love that yeah I'm so excited for you Liz so tell everybody where they can find you how to find you spell it out spell out your website and all that fun stuff.

00:37:58.800 --> 00:38:32.400
Okay so it's hip script squares.com h I P S C R I P S Q E E R S dot com there you go and hip script squares on Facebook and on Instagram that's where we are and currently the best thing people could do is go on there and sign up to be whatever a friend romantic or not um just if we can get people into your database then they'll get emails and they'll be notified when there's events or stuff like that right that would be the most valuable thing for you right now.

00:38:32.639 --> 00:38:44.400
Right just sign up and then we'll you'll be getting emails anytime something's happening and also an email reminding you for the launch which is Valentine's Day February 14th this year coming soon.

00:38:44.719 --> 00:39:07.519
And people can change their notifications and they don't want to get all the notifications all that kind of stuff you can subscribe you can unsubscribe very easily yeah I like a lot of notifications but not everybody does I like it my my boyfriend looks at my phone he's like what the hell like makes sense to me okay I want it I want all the information I want it all I want it just give it to me all of it yeah no we're very respectful.

00:39:08.400 --> 00:39:27.119
Wonderful anything else Murph no I'm just really excited to see everything come about I know you mentioned dating coaches I'm really curious will there be someone to help create a profile if somebody needed that because I know that that can sometimes be just the scary part of it you know like creating a dating profile.

00:39:27.360 --> 00:39:36.800
You're making me think I have to get a dating coach on board from the beginning which oh no no no that's fine I can absolutely do that for sure.

00:39:36.960 --> 00:39:51.119
I don't see why not you're not using AI for like helping people fill things out I don't think so and I I mean AI has its place but I don't think I don't think I'm gonna do that.

00:39:52.159 --> 00:40:03.760
Because it's like it's generic you know it it helps sound more like what AI thing It's supposed to sound like, which is the opposite of what we're doing.

00:40:04.000 --> 00:40:05.599
Yeah, you want authenticity.

00:40:05.840 --> 00:40:06.480
Exactly.

00:40:06.719 --> 00:40:22.800
And I think a dating coach is like a good one, helps you find more, feel more like yourself, and also help you feel a little bit less ruffled by all the ups and downs because everyone's gonna be rejected, everyone's gonna, you know, all that stuff.

00:40:23.119 --> 00:40:24.960
You're gonna write to someone, they're not gonna write back.

00:40:25.039 --> 00:40:25.840
That's just normal.

00:40:26.079 --> 00:40:27.920
But yeah, I need someone to help you through that.

00:40:28.159 --> 00:40:29.760
Murph, what is that syndrome called?

00:40:29.920 --> 00:40:32.880
Rejection sensitivity or risk.

00:40:33.119 --> 00:40:33.920
That's the RS.

00:40:34.320 --> 00:40:34.639
Oh, yeah.

00:40:34.960 --> 00:40:35.280
Yeah.

00:40:35.599 --> 00:40:38.639
Some people really get they get really freaked out by rejection.

00:40:38.800 --> 00:40:39.039
Yeah.

00:40:39.199 --> 00:40:39.519
Yeah.

00:40:39.599 --> 00:40:46.480
I mean, we'll get people that finally, you know, three years later will come in for therapy and be like, yeah, I was thinking about it.

00:40:46.639 --> 00:40:48.559
I just was too scared to come in the door.

00:40:48.639 --> 00:40:54.480
You know, like there's a lot of that anticipatory anxiety, um, starting something new.

00:40:54.719 --> 00:41:02.400
So yeah, I mean, I think the idea of having a dating coach and helping somebody through that, like holding their hand, is can't go wrong.

00:41:02.639 --> 00:41:10.480
Riv, I don't know if I have you told you this before, but when people would come into Kirby Girl, they would tell us, Oh, I've been here to your parking lot two or three times, they're afraid to come in.

00:41:10.719 --> 00:41:14.000
Yeah, like we're just a bunch of fattties in here, but they were just too nervous to come in.

00:41:14.239 --> 00:41:15.119
Too scared, yeah.

00:41:16.639 --> 00:41:21.679
I get that all the time, and we are like the chillest people ever.

00:41:21.920 --> 00:41:27.519
And people are like, I've been getting your emails now since last year, and I'm just afraid to come to me.

00:41:27.679 --> 00:41:31.519
And it's just a bunch of people sitting around, like we can't hurt you.

00:41:31.760 --> 00:41:32.880
We won't hurt you.

00:41:33.039 --> 00:41:34.800
We might hug you, but I'll ask for consent.

00:41:35.119 --> 00:41:35.599
That's right.

00:41:36.239 --> 00:41:38.000
What will hurt you with consent?

00:41:38.239 --> 00:41:41.039
But mostly we sit around and talk.

00:41:41.280 --> 00:41:42.480
That's all cool, cool.

00:41:42.559 --> 00:41:43.039
So fun to have you.

00:41:43.199 --> 00:41:45.199
Murph, do you want to talk about how to find us?

00:41:45.599 --> 00:41:49.840
Yeah, you can find us at big sexy chat on all the socials.

00:41:50.000 --> 00:41:59.280
And if you wanted to send us um an email or ask us questions, you can do so at big sexy chatpod at gmail.com.

00:41:59.599 --> 00:42:05.360
Um, but really what you can do to help all of us on the pod is share our stuff.

00:42:05.440 --> 00:42:12.960
Go to Hips, Crips, and Queers and share their content, share, talk about it, tell a friend.

00:42:13.039 --> 00:42:23.360
Like that's how we get word of mouth out there to everybody and let them experience, you know, what we're talking about and enter this universe of inclusion.

00:42:23.679 --> 00:42:30.639
So go out, tell a friend, talk about this, say I was hearing this thing and share it.

00:42:30.800 --> 00:42:35.440
If you comment, if you like, if you subscribe, that all helps.

00:42:35.679 --> 00:42:38.000
If you review us, that really, really helps.

00:42:38.079 --> 00:42:40.800
But what helps the most is tell your friend.

00:42:41.119 --> 00:42:43.119
And Liz, thank you for always sharing.

00:42:43.199 --> 00:42:49.440
She always shares our podcast, and she always is uh always out there doing doing that work.

00:42:49.599 --> 00:42:51.199
I really appreciate you for doing that, Liz.

00:42:51.280 --> 00:42:51.840
Thank you so much.

00:42:52.239 --> 00:42:54.239
We always appreciate when you do it that too.

00:42:54.320 --> 00:42:54.800
So thank you.

00:42:55.039 --> 00:42:55.760
Yeah, you're welcome.

00:42:56.559 --> 00:42:57.920
Thank you so much for having me on.

00:42:58.400 --> 00:42:59.039
My pleasure.

00:42:59.199 --> 00:42:59.760