Dec. 14, 2024
Knot Your Average Art: Shibari for Every Body and Identity
Send a text Bec, a non-binary and body-inclusive rope artist, shares their compelling journey with Shibari, challenging misconceptions and celebrating its transformative power. Discover how this age-old Japanese practice transcends mere aesthetics, offering a meditative and empowering experience that embraces all body types and identities. Bec's personal stories weave through themes of fat acceptance and gender identity, revealing how shibari can be a path to self-acceptance and personal grow...
Bec, a non-binary and body-inclusive rope artist, shares their compelling journey with Shibari, challenging misconceptions and celebrating its transformative power. Discover how this age-old Japanese practice transcends mere aesthetics, offering a meditative and empowering experience that embraces all body types and identities. Bec's personal stories weave through themes of fat acceptance and gender identity, revealing how shibari can be a path to self-acceptance and personal growth.
Eager to refine your shibari skills or just starting your journey? Our conversation takes you through the ropes—literally. With practical advice on selecting the right materials, such as the 16-strand braided jute rope, and tips for maintaining cleanliness and safety, you'll gain a comprehensive understanding of this intricate art form. We'll also discuss navigating the Shibari community, with insights on connecting with fellow enthusiasts and understanding the nuances of rope safety.
Finally, we explore the deeper connections fostered through Shibari, emphasizing the importance of trust and communication. Bec shares heartwarming anecdotes about the healing potential that shibari offers, underscoring the need for a trauma-informed approach. As we close, we extend a heartfelt thanks to our listeners, encouraging them to share their thoughts and continue the conversation. Whether you're a seasoned practitioner or simply curious, this episode promises to enlighten and inspire.
Find Bec on Instgram: https://instagram.com/rebelropeshibari
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00:00 - Exploring Shibari
10:12 - Choosing and Using Shibari Rope
16:19 - Exploring Safety and Accessibility in Shibari
25:01 - Discovering Shibari Community and Resources
42:44 - Sharing Shibari Podcast Subscription Info
WEBVTT
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It's time to strap in for another episode of Big Sexy Chat.
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Crystal and Murph are joined by special guest Beck to talk all things shibari.
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Beck is a non-binary, body-inclusive rope artist from Buffalo, new York, with a background in bondage, fashion and suspension ties.
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They are a firm believer that ropes are for every body and are passionate about queer, inclusive, anti-oppressive kink.
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Let's get ready to be all tied up.
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Hi, welcome to Big Sexy Chat.
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I'm Crystal, I'm Murph.
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We're just two rad fatties sitting around chewing the fat Twice a month.
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We'll be chatting about current events hot topics sex, sex toys, fat politics, fat community cannabis, cbd you name it.
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We're going to talk about it.
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We are very excited to have you a part of our community.
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Welcome and enjoy.
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Hey y'all.
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This is Crystal from Big Sexy Chat.
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Welcome back, we're excited to have you.
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We have a really cool topic tonight, but I want to just say hello real quickly to my fabulous co-host, merv Hi.
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Merv Hi.
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And we have the fantastic Beck here.
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Beck B-E-C Beck.
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They are a rigor slash shibari expert and we're going to learn all about that cool, cool, kinky fun that they're up to.
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So welcome, beck.
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Thank you so glad to be here.
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We're so excited to have you.
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It's such a cool topic.
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For those of you who don't know what shibari is, I'm just going to say right now it's the most beautiful, artful rope bondage.
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That's how I would define it.
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How do you define it, beck?
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I would define it similarly.
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Yeah, it kind of covers a whole umbrella of topics, from suspension, sadistic ties, decorative ties and fashion ties.
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There's really a lot that kind of falls under that umbrella of shibari.
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It's so beautiful.
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I've never really had a chance to try it or practice it, but I do notice that people I think including including you, do.
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You know who Jessamyn is, the um fat black yogi.
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She practices shibari and she does the self shibari like you do, right yes it's like a way to disassociate or a way to zen out, or what's it do for you when you do it by yourself?
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it's very grounding.
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I find it very meditative.
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It also is just a form of creative expression as well as a way to connect with my own body, and a way to it actually helped me a lot when I came out as non-binary and started learning about fat acceptance, and I have a chronic pain condition as well.
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So all of those factors Shabari helped me with and self-ties helped me connect with my body in a new way and celebrate it in a new way.
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Fantastic.
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Thank you so much for joining us.
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So let's kind of start at the beginning.
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Did you ever come out as fat?
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Do you consider yourself fat?
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Do you self-identify as fat?
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I do, yes, I identify as small to mid-fat, absolutely.
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So the word doesn't scare you, the words you're not afraid?
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of?
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No, not at all, you don't feel offended in me neither.
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Yeah, that's great.
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And then what about shibari?
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Tell us about Japanese word.
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It loosely translates to tie or bind.
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Consensual rope bondage for erotic purposes came into fashion in Japan between the early to mid-1900s and actually drew inspiration from ancient martial arts practices, and then it made its way into Western common vernacular sometime in the 90s.
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It's fascinating.
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I've really kind of seen how people embrace.
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You know, unique ways of appreciating their bodies, and hearing like this has been a practice.
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You know, this is something that people have used for so long and it's just interesting to me that, you know, we only kind of start to accept these things or talk about these things, and they have a rich history.
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They do.
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Yeah, it has a very rich history, absolutely.
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I always assumed that fat bodies I mean I knew fat babes could be tied up, of course, but the suspension, and then I guess it's still suspension, but when people are not really hanging from the ceiling but are kind of in different positions.
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I just always assumed that, like for me, I think about gravity and my weight and how it might dig into my, my very tender fascia yeah, absolutely so.
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Uh, there really is not any sort of weight max with shibari.
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Um, I firmly believe that we that ropes are for everybody.
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Um, for fat folks, trans folks, black folks, disabled folks.
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Rope really can be adapted for any body size, shape and ability level, specifically for fat bodies, there are some things that I do to adapt for tying bigger babes.
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Longer rope sections and learning how to extend rope is really important.
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A standard rope kit that most people start out with is two 30-foot sections and two 15-foot sections, where, if you're doing a lot of wraps around the body, that won't get you too far if you are working with a fat person.
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So, um, really learning how to extend the ropes and having long enough lengths, um, because it is important as well to do additional wraps around the body in order to have more weight distribution, um, especially with suspensions, because, like you mentioned it can, the more weight that is on the ropes, it can be more painful yeah, the distribution is interesting.
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Yeah, distribution, it definitely helps me to.
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I don't mean to be flip, but that's okay.
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Why, why would anybody do this?
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Like, why, what are you doing?
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What's that?
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that's a great question.
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Um, it's definitely a kink, so people are turned on by it.
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There is also that grounding part, and people will get a rope high as well it's called and can kind of get into this really lovely floaty sort of headspace, like a subspace Exactly and the meditative part of it at power exchange can be very appealing.
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So there's really a lot of reasons that people are interested in it.
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Yeah, for me I always think of the damsel in distress you know cartoon, where the girl gets tied up and put on the train tracks and then the you know person comes and saves the day, and just that kind of feeling I think I would get with shibari, like that's what I imagine.
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So I kind of feel like it seems very, um, very feminine to me in a way, but also like, um, very powerful in the same.
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Like it, like they mesh well together.
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Absolutely yeah, and that's something that I hear from a lot of people that I withstand the ropes, being able to sustain the ropes, being able to communicate throughout the scene All of that can be very empowering at the same time.
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Yeah, I think for people I'm just going to call myself a type A.
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I don't know if you would consider yourself a type A Murph, but it's nice to have to give up the control to somebody else sometimes.
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That's what is interesting to me.
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Rope can be an outlet for that, like having creative knots and being able to do these.
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You know, very restrictive things can actually be very sexy and very intimate.
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Slow, right, it's more slow.
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Definitely.
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I like that.
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Yeah, can definitely be more slow paced back.
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So this might be too personal, but do you like being um?
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What is the word tied up?
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Is you like beans bound?
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I do you do, I love it.
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Yeah, um bound or tied up, either one, um restrained, etc.
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Um, I do.
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I, I only self-tie.
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I haven't really been tied by others, partly because there are um more people interested in being tied than in tying.
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So once I started doing rope topping, um I, that's where my focus has been um, but I, since I really enjoy it as well for myself, um, that's why I do the self-ties that's before we started the recording.
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Today we were talking a little bit about the kink community and I know our listeners have heard me say this before.
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But when I had my boutique, when I would meet people that had really just, they couldn't find their spot.
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You know, they haven't found their community.
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They're still very self-conscious about being fat.
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I would tell them try to look for the kink people, kinky people in your community, because I find that the kink community is very body accepting.
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There's not as much body checking, it's just more, I don't know.
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People are more attracted to it or at least they seem to be at least polite about it.
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Right and um, I think that's so cool and I I guess I didn't realize that people.
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I would never understood why people were self-tying, like you said.
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I know we talked about how jessamine does that.
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She's the um, black fat yogi, but she's also kinky and she's also into shibari and she talks, talks about doing it on herself and so beautiful, and I saw some of your images where you've done it on yourself, also very beautiful.
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It's like I could see how that would be very meditative and, like you said, grounding.
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Thank you, I'm curious is there a specific type of rope that works well for fat bodies, or just what's your favorite?
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I'd love to know the answer to both.
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Yeah, so there are actually a lot of different types of rope that can be used, so it really depends on your personal preference and also what you're trying to accomplish.
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So there's soft cotton.
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Woven silk or synthetic rope is good for decorative ties and light bondage.
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Hemp or jute rope for suspensions and more intense bondage.
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Then there's even coconut rope, which is more sadistic.
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It's very scratchy.
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I personally am not a fan.
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For myself, I use a 16-strand braided jute rope.
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I buy it raw and I process it myself, so that essentially means that I run it through a flame in order to burn off the little fuzzies and this is something that you do multiple times throughout the life of the rope times throughout the life of the rope and I condition it with a combination of coconut oil and jojoba oil to make it smoother, and that also helps with antibacterial properties as well for it.
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And most people use a six millimeter sized rope, so that's what I use for bondage ties, harnesses and ties on the body and then for my uplines.
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When I'm doing suspension, I especially if I am tying a fat body I will use a really hefty upline rope, so I'll use a generally a 10 millimeter.
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How do?
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Are you considered a rigger?
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Yes, how do riggers and people that want to be tied up find each other?
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Oh well, Wait, wait, wait.
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Can you explain what a rigger is first and then?
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answer that question Absolutely.
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I was thinking of our audience going, like what I'm going to have to urban dictionary.
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This All right, sorry, yeah, audience going like what I'm going to have to urban dictionary this All right, sorry, yeah, so a rigger is the person who is doing the tying, so a rigger or a rope top, and then the person being tied is referred to as the rope bottom or the rope bunny, and those people find each other on websites like FetLife, find each other at local events.
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So if you're able to find local kink events happening in your area, a social or a munch that is put on by a local group, is a really great place to go to get to know people.
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As you start getting to know people in the community, chances are someone will do rope or know someone who does rope, and so it's really just making those personal connections with others in the community.
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When you mentioned antibacterial, it just got me thinking Is that something you have to think of?
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Like, if you go to, let's say, there's a party or a big group of people and different people want to be tied up, does everybody get their?
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own rope.
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Is it okay to use the same rope on a second body or how does that work?
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Yeah, that's a great question.
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So it is okay to use rope on multiple people.
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Some people prefer to have their own set and just be tied in their own ropes.
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Some couples like to have rope that they just use for the two of them and then maybe have other ropes that they may use with other people.
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But really the important thing is that if the ropes are getting anywhere near genitals or bodily fluids, then to wash them in between uses, and even if you're at a party or somewhere where you may not have the opportunity to wash them in between, even wrapping plastic wrap or tape around the part of the rope that will be near bodily fluids is a way that you can prevent anything.
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How do you wash rope anything else?
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How do you wash rope so you can wash them by hand in mild dish soap, like diluted dish soap, and water, and then hang them to dry.
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After that you would need to reprocess them, most likely, or add a conditioning oil to them again.
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So for our viewers, our listeners that can't view us, would you mind describing what you have behind you and your mannequin back there?
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Oh, absolutely.
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So I have my mannequin here that I practice harnesses on.
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Beautiful.
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So I'm in my little shibari studio right now.
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So I have that and I also have my hard point from the ceiling and I have some ropes hanging from that as well.
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The hard point is that where I'm guessing that's like in the studs of the home or the apartment, so it's like very safe.
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It is yeah.
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So I'm lucky enough that one of my partners is a carpenter, so you're very able to come and evaluate the hard points and make sure they are safe.
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And then I bought a actually a swing attachment for like a hanging swing that was rated for up to a thousand pounds and had it installed to make sure that I had a really sturdy rigging point.
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I love it.
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I am just like I'm curious and like interested and excited.
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It's great.
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I think a lot of our'm curious and like interested and excited.
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It's great.
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I think a lot of our listeners are probably feeling the same way.
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Yeah, are there other best practices that you would say to know?
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You know when you get into this process, or you know that you're looking like only buy from these certain brands, or you know practice these kind of knots for safety and knowing, like you know, how it could hit on pressure points, or you know those types of things.
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Yeah, definitely Rope can be risky, especially depending on the types of ties.
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You're just starting out practicing a lot, mastering simple ties first and simple knots, familiarizing yourself with where nerve points and pressure points are in the body, main arteries all of that.
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Not doing ties that will block airways.
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That may seem obvious, but you know you'll see experienced riggers doing ties like that.
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But when you are first starting out it's best to really master the basics first.
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Um yeah, so starting slow, um educating yourself on the risks.
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Informed consent is key.
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If you're tying with somebody, make sure that you're both aware of the risks and communicating.
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Um, be cautious with rope tightness so you should always be able to put at least two fingers underneath the ropes.
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If you're able to fit two fingers under the ropes, then they like exactly Easy to remember.
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We all like the two fingers.
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Vagina owners tend to like the two fingers.
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For those of you that are like, what are you talking about?
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Because you can't see it, crystal when when I hope beck said two fingers, crystal made the come hither hot motion.
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That was pretty fantastic.
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When back when people are the rope bottom, are they supposed to try to get out of it themselves?
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Is like a challenge, or is it just like you have to wait for your rope top to take it off, or does it depend?
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oh, it depends um.
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Some brats really like to try and escape from their ruck.
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Um.
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So there are things called predicament ties, which are, um the challenging ties that you can try to escape.
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Um, if that that's the point of the scene, ideally, before the scene, the rigger and the rope bottom will negotiate and discuss the expectations, limits and boundaries for the scene, and, typically, though, the rigger is doing the untying at the end of the rope scene.
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But in case of an emergency, let's say with the rope bottom, would they be able to get out of it?
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It depends If it is a really simple tie, possibly.
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However, it's important to have safety shears, or trauma shears, at all times and have them within reach.
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Having a spotter as well if you're self tying, is important.
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There's definitely been times where I've gotten stuck in a suspension and my spotter had to help me down, so those are definitely best practices.
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Thank you, that's fantastic.
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Yeah, kind of thinking along with best practices.
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Are there accessories or things that are helpful, particularly for fat bodies or just in general?
00:19:23.250 --> 00:19:23.550
Yeah.
00:19:23.550 --> 00:19:28.923
So back to some suspension best practices and safety with that.
00:19:28.923 --> 00:19:50.174
When you are doing a suspension, you create an upline between an anchor point on the body, usually attached to a harness, and a hard point like the one behind me that we talked about, and essentially, without getting too much into the mechanics of it, you are creating a pulley by looping the rope through that anchor point and the hard point.
00:19:50.174 --> 00:20:04.550
To reduce the strain on the ropes and also to reduce the friction, I use carabiners for those, so those are a part of my toolbox and add an extra loop in the pulley as well.
00:20:04.550 --> 00:20:08.602
So that's one of the main things that I would say is important to have on hand.
00:20:09.890 --> 00:20:12.176
Where does one kinky person shop for these kinky things?
00:20:13.099 --> 00:20:15.969
Where does one kinky person shop for these kinky things?
00:20:15.969 --> 00:20:22.952
So, funnily enough, a lot of the rope accessories that I have I've gotten from like rock climbing places.
00:20:22.952 --> 00:20:25.615
That's been a good resource for ropes and carabiners.
00:20:26.416 --> 00:20:26.998
Home Depot.
00:20:27.719 --> 00:20:29.421
Yeah, you can shop at Home Depot as well.
00:20:29.421 --> 00:20:33.046
There are, of course, rope specific websites as well.
00:20:33.046 --> 00:20:35.292
One of my favorites is the Twisted Monk.
00:20:35.292 --> 00:20:39.803
I recommend them for rope kits and for accessories as well.
00:20:40.910 --> 00:20:41.613
Fantastic.
00:20:41.613 --> 00:20:42.998
Would you spell that too for us?
00:20:43.730 --> 00:20:44.911
Yes, it's the.
00:20:44.911 --> 00:20:50.654
And then twisted T-W-I-S-T-E-D Monk M-O-N-K.
00:20:50.654 --> 00:20:52.496
G-e-d Monk M-O-N-K.
00:20:53.176 --> 00:20:53.817
Fantastic.
00:20:53.817 --> 00:21:03.984
We had thrown this out to our listeners on the socials and asked you know, what would you like to ask someone who's an expert in shibari?
00:21:03.984 --> 00:21:13.528
And this individual said my wife was thinking about the consideration or modifications for fat bodies and what that looks like.
00:21:13.528 --> 00:21:23.244
Everything seems to be designed for the quote normal figure and then modified with that translation.
00:21:23.244 --> 00:21:25.919
Some ties are for beauty, some are for function.
00:21:25.919 --> 00:21:29.299
How do the wizards of the world decipher that?
00:21:30.411 --> 00:21:32.839
Could you repeat the end of the question?
00:21:33.210 --> 00:21:35.832
Yes, I think there's two questions in there.
00:21:35.832 --> 00:21:41.082
I think it's what are the consideration or modifications for fat bodies?
00:21:41.082 --> 00:21:47.727
And then, kind of like, there are things you know that are designed for the more normal figured folk.
00:21:47.727 --> 00:22:01.201
You know the straight size, as we would say, and like, how do you basically recognize or decipher between, like, which ones are for beauty and which ones are for, like, the really high functioning?
00:22:01.201 --> 00:22:06.617
You know really expert bondage rope?
00:22:06.698 --> 00:22:08.161
Okay, gotcha.
00:22:08.260 --> 00:22:10.765
Okay, what do we call people that are into shibari?
00:22:10.765 --> 00:22:14.720
Sorry, there's another question on top of a bunch of questions.
00:22:17.250 --> 00:22:28.595
So rope curious or kink curious, interested in the bondage part of BDSM Breakers and rope bunnies.
00:22:29.377 --> 00:22:36.259
Okay, yeah, we need like a fun, like name for shibari folk.
00:22:36.259 --> 00:22:43.217
We're right, shibari shorties the shibari oh, I like that one yeah shoddy.
00:22:43.217 --> 00:22:45.421
Okay, sorry, we were off track with that.
00:22:45.421 --> 00:22:49.777
Uh, so the question was modifications for fat bodies.
00:22:49.777 --> 00:22:57.496
And then just like, how do you decipher with the um for more like beauty photographic kind of thing, rather than like the?
00:22:57.496 --> 00:23:01.703
Um, really high functioning um, expert kind of rope?
00:23:02.371 --> 00:23:02.811
gotcha.
00:23:02.811 --> 00:23:03.593
Um.
00:23:03.593 --> 00:23:25.144
So as far as modifications for fat bodies, um, additional wraps around the body, like we talked about a bit, to distribute the weight distribution a little bit more, and having long enough ropes, or even like a thicker rope than the six millimeter.
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