July 23, 2025
Leather, Lube & Liberation: BDSM, Fat Joy & Sex Signals
Send us a text In this juicy new episode of Big Sexy Chat, Chrystal and Merf are back with updates, laughter, and deep dives into fat pleasure, power exchange, and the ways we signal our sexy truths to the world. 🎙️ Merf shares her exciting new job and consulting biz helping survivors of trauma, plus her upcoming debut as a dominatrix (meet Madam Cyn)! 💬 Chrystal talks about her recent seminar, and the joys of building body-positive merch from scratch. 🔥 Together, they explore BDSM dungeon d...
In this juicy new episode of Big Sexy Chat, Chrystal and Merf are back with updates, laughter, and deep dives into fat pleasure, power exchange, and the ways we signal our sexy truths to the world.
🎙️ Merf shares her exciting new job and consulting biz helping survivors of trauma, plus her upcoming debut as a dominatrix (meet Madam Cyn)!
💬 Chrystal talks about her recent seminar, and the joys of building body-positive merch from scratch.
🔥 Together, they explore BDSM dungeon dynamics, ethical non-monogamy signals like black rings and bandanas, and how kinky elders are still getting it on (and passing STIs).
👵 From perimenopause to progesterone, hormones to Hustler Store finds, the duo doesn’t shy away from real talk about aging, joy, and sexual freedom.
💥 They also discuss the recent viral stories of fatphobia, weight loss discourse, and why fat joy is a form of resistance.
✨ Stick around for plans to interview legends like Joan Price, Amazon Amanda, and possibly… a dominatrix roundtable?! Yes, please.
🖤 Episode keywords: BDSM, Dominatrix, Non-Monogamy, Fat Joy, Menopause, Sex Toys, Fatphobia, Signaling, Bandana Code, Black Ring, Ethical Kink, Sex Over 60, Body Liberation, Fat Liberation, Health at Every Size
BigSexyChat.com appreciates you and our community. We do this for you, so if you ever have any ideas about a subject we can discuss for you, email us at bigsexychatpod@gmail.com.
You can find us on Facebook and Instagram as BigSexyChat.
Twitter (who knows how long we will stay there) is BigSexyChatPod
Check out our merch at www.BigSexyTees.com (credit to Toni Tails for setting this up for us!)
Chrystal also sells sex toys via her website BlissConnection.com and you can use the code BSC20 for 20% off.
Big thanks to our Sponsor Liberator Bedroom Adventures. We ADORE the products from Liberator. And, to be clear, we all loved their products even before they became a sponsor!
00:00 - Welcome to Big Sexy Chat
00:35 - Crystal's New Ventures and BDSM Journey
03:55 - Murph's Updates and Electrology Training
09:15 - Secret Signals and Swinger Symbols
14:54 - Fat-Shaming Incidents in Media
21:56 - Sex Toys for Fat Bodies
31:19 - Healthcare Struggles and Future Episodes
40:11 - Finding Joy Amidst Chaos
WEBVTT
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Hey, you made it.
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Ha, you're just in time For a little something juicy with Crystal and Murph.
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Dark and fat sex.
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Big feels, hot Takes and kinks.
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We're breaking all the rules, babe.
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What you think it's Big Sexy Chase, say it back now.
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Big Sexy Chase, let's go.
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Hi, welcome back to Big Sexy Chat.
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I'm Crystal.
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I'm here with my lovely co-host, murph.
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Hi, murph.
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Hi, what's going on, chica?
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Oh man, there's been all kinds of stuff going on.
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Tell us more.
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I know I have been super busy.
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I'm about to start my own consulting business, which has been kind of like a dream in the making.
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So I'm just getting that process started.
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And I got a new job, a nine-to to five job, which has been really amazing.
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I'm going to be working closely with individuals who are victims of sexual assault, sexual violence and human trafficking.
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So really neat, interesting ways to approach that and bring the therapeutic lens to it.
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So I'm excited.
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And then, on the naughty side, I have been juggling, building more into BDSM sort of stuff, and I have found some really cool new items to use and try out.
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And I've been getting coaching and I think my first dungeon experience of getting to be a dom is going to happen next week.
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So I'm really excited for it.
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I'm kind of nervous, but yeah, we'll see how it goes.
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So that's, that's what's been going on with me.
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What's been going on with you?
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Well, hang on.
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What tell me about the consulting?
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Oh, um.
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So there's just an opportunity really to start my own business and um be available to go out and do speaking events and some consulting on um creating therapeutic programs for behavioral health services in the state of California, so helping people like understand Medi-Cal and the managed care plans and things like that.
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So, yeah, it's been something I've been wanting to just kind of have in the background and making it a reality.
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finally, you are a great speaker.
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I'm so excited to learn more about that when it happens children and it was all about their own self-care.
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So it was really exciting to get to kind of give examples and tangible things that people can use, you know, without having to go talk to the therapist.
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So it's always fun to be able to give people a couple of little tools.
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Self-care for the caretaker yes, so needed.
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So needed and for such a specialty population.
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You know these individuals are really, you know, a constant need like from whenever their child's born.
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You know, until probably long into adulthood how to set them up for success, and it's a demanding job, and so there's very little love from our culture about not hustling all the time and putting yourself first, so it's nice for these ladies to be able to really focus in on that.
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You know my brother not to go off into this situation or this topic too much, but my brother was born with Down syndrome and fully autistic and nonverbal and my parents basically took care of him like he was a one-year-old until he was in his 50s.
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So I know there's a lot of that going on out there in the world.
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People have children with disabilities.
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It's tough.
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Yeah, and there's very little honor of how the caregiver has to take care of the caregiver, you know.
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And hearing and giving space to these ladies it was so great to see their faces of just like I'm being told I'm being given a pass to like focus on me.
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They were just elated.
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They even had like a dance party afterwards and a raffle and it was a really great event validation is an amazing feeling yes, it is but okay, now I want to know about your dominatrix persona.
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Do you have a name?
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I do, it's madam sin Cyn C-Y-N, but it has Cyn, yeah, and so he has to call me madam, and I love that.
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Are you?
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Is this just going to be between you and your partner, or others are going to be involved?
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Oh, right now it's just me and my partner, but we are going to an open event.
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So there are these.
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Usually they're like really solidly established.
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They're not like pop-up kind of things, but they're like dungeons and people build dungeons and they're just all the equipment and you have to have all the rules and follow everybody's guidelines.
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But basically everybody can go and use the equipment for a scene, and so I've decided I'm going to use the bench.
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This time.
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I got to participate using the cross the St Andrew's cross but I really like the idea of the bench because it's just really good for spanking, so I'm excited.
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It's good for a lot of things.
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Maybe a little bit of ball torture cbt, not talk.
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Therapy is not what I mean when I see cbt it's like yeah, it's both cockball torture and also I know well.
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First time I heard that acronym I was like you're gonna do psychotherapy on his balls, like what?
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What are you talking about?
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it's the best, it's really so good.
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You know that show when it was on netflix with that lady who was doing those like sex room.
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Yes you're like oh man, I want every one of those houses, every one of their rooms for real.
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I there was just there.
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I was sitting there watching it.
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You know, it's like when you watch any kind of dream home thing you're like, okay, well, I like this part of it, but not that, or I wouldn't need that, but I'd want this and that one that they built um in that couple's basement.
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Um, that little dungeon was hot, yes, that was wild I.
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There's a sex toy trade show going on in la right now called and me and that woman I can't remember her name who was the star of that show.
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She's a sex toy trade show going on in LA right now called and Me, and that woman I can't remember her name who was the star of that show.
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She's a speaker down at and Me.
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I wish I could be there for that I love her.
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Yeah, that's awesome.
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She seems like a little.
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British lady.
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Yeah, a little naughty, and kinky yes, people pay for that, as you know.
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Mm-hmm.
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Yes, they do, yeah, all that furniture.
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That's one good thing about that stupid freaking 50 shades of gray movie.
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Was that red room?
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Oh god, yeah, oh man, incredible, it was amazing like that's all I need.
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I just need one of those rooms like it had everything in it had the massage table, had the bed, I had the you know all the furniture just a hundred thousand dollars worth of sex furniture is all I need you know, you know, and I need a quiet room.
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I need a quiet room where people can be loud and my neighbors don't hear.
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Yeah, seriously like soundproof.
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Sound well so yeah, for sure.
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So what have I been up to?
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um working electrolyte electrology during the day, t-shirts and sex toys at night as always, I've been seeing more of the posts for um the sexy merch.
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Tell us a little bit about where we can find it well, you have a big fat brat t-shirt.
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This is the one I sent to our in as well.
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She wanted the big, sexy, big fat.
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Yeah, yeah, it's really fun.
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Um, you know, we're still just getting orders here and they're not nothing too crazy yet, but we're still working through our our little here.
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But it's a lot of fun and I get a lot of feedback from people.
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Oh my God, some people are asking if they can make shirts for their events.
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I'm like, oh, I'm just barely figuring out how to get people three shirts at one time.
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But now they're like oh, could you get us two made in every size with these two designs, with our like their gym, that's body positive or their fat liberation group like, okay, hang on, let me see if I can figure this out.
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Yeah, it's fun, it's really exciting I'm having a blast with it and I love wearing them.
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I especially love laurie and my one.
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That says fat joy is a form of resistance and I do really want to get.
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That says I'm not letting these motherfuckers steal my joy Cause I'm not having some fat joy.
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I don't care what's going on, the world can be burning down around me, I still have to have some fat joy.
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Heck yeah.
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It's the only way to live right now.
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So, yeah, that, and I went to Vegas as my hometown, as you know, know when I went to vegas for a one-day electrology seminar, learning some advanced stuff like trans work, how to deal with elderly skin, how to have good consultations.
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So you know, I always want to learn anything and everything.
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I love to learn, learn, learn a thousand percent.
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No, I just want to be a lifelong learner absolutely I.
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I feel so much sorrow for the people that don't or don't like to do that I was going to ask.
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It's a seminar, it wasn't a convention.
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Okay, do they bring in guest speakers, or is it like these are the people that host it and they're also the ones that put on the trainings, both, and they do have the two that put on the trainings, both and they do have the two of them, the people that organized it, they did presentations and they had two other people, other experts, talking about sanitation and sterilization and giving a really good consultation.
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So it was really good.
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It was a long day, uh, four classes in one room with 46 people and one toilet oh no, it was 105 degrees in las vegas, so, oh yeah, other than they oversold the room a little bit, so it was such a person with a big, huge butt.
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It's not the most uh, comfortable, just tricky every time to get up and go pee.
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You know, sorry, did I knock your laptop down?
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Oops, didn't realize it was all the way back there.
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Yeah, so that's pretty much it, and then I'm just working and trying to work my way through stuff, like the rest of us.
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I'm so excited for you, for your new job.
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I know that's going to make you so much happier, thank you I know you were miserable.
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Yeah, so this will definitely be a good change.
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It feels like and it's only been one week it feels like I'm taking a deep breath and I'm about to you know, like that feels good, like I know it's coming.
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It's still a little tense is what I'm like.
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I haven't fully got that like yes, I'm finally away from this.
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I find too, when I start something new it takes me a good three months to really feel like I'm contributing.
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Yep, oh, absolutely.
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I mean I'll be seeing more patients to kind of get everything going, and I haven't done that in a really long time.
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So it's going to be, it's going to especially kiddos like I've seen adults but seeing little kiddos it's going to be a change for me.
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So I've been hitting up all the back-to-school stuff.
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Right now that's happening.
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I'm trying to get all kinds of supplies little stickers, crayons, markers, all that stuff.
00:11:58.332 --> 00:11:59.077
So back to the sexy stuff.
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Yeah, you know I get a lot of sex stuff in my feed because I'm attached to a lot of groups that have to do with sex toys designing them, manufacturing them, distributing them.
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And I came across this story the other day and I always wondered why there wasn't something like this about how to signal to other people that you do not know, that you might be like into ethical non-monogamy.
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You might be like into ethical non-monogamy, or you might be a swinger or you might be a cuckold or you anyway.
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And I knew.
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I knew about the pineapple.
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I think that's like a big swingers thing, that upside down and what you're saying like there's some cruise ship that won't.
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They're not letting people have the pineapple in the door anymore because God forbid, people have hot sex in their cabin.
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Yeah, they put a crackdown on it.
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They didn want signalling on their cruise line no more pineapples.
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Pineapples are foreboding stupid.
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So yeah, then I read about.
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I read this story from some link somewhere that said swingers now are wearing a black ring on.
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I think think their right finger.
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Yeah, right ring finger, yep, I was like.
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I was always.
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Why don't they have something like that?
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When you go somewhere and you're like, hey, we might be open to this, you know kind of thing.
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And also you know, as you know, ethical non-monogamy is very it's kind of coming out from out of the shadows now and people are talking about open marriages and it's not.
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It feels like to be 100 years old.
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Does it make sense to have sex with one person your entire adult life?
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I don't know I mean, I think we were all sold that as a means of control, but um, no, I don't.
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I don't think that's accurate and I think that a lot of people are really starting to wake up to that, especially this new generation that they're really recognizing.
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Like I can have multiple partners and I can have different aspects of my life shared with this person that also enjoys that thing or, you know, exploring kinks and things like that.
00:14:08.067 --> 00:14:11.639
You're not going to find a partner that wants to do all the things that you want to do.
00:14:12.071 --> 00:14:21.682
Yeah, good luck trying to find one person to fill every single one of those physical or emotional needs for like 50 years or whatever the stupid idea is.
00:14:23.352 --> 00:14:30.712
Well, but I love the idea of signaling because you know it's like you're, especially in the world that we live in now.
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It's so much safer to be able to be like.
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I'm going to go out and put a black ring on my right ring finger.
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You know the pride flag.
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That's an indicator.
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There's, you know, different aspects of bandanas.
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Have you heard of that?
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When I had my store I definitely heard people talk about it.
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I wasn't sure who wears which color or which pocket or which side.
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I know sometimes when they have the Folsom Street Fair, I know people have their hankies or their bandanas and they signaled each other.
00:15:05.200 --> 00:15:08.653
So it's something kind of new to learning about that one.
00:15:08.653 --> 00:15:10.778
But um, I haven't really seen in action.
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I haven't really been to a lot of kinky events though yeah, it says um.
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It originated in the 70s, um, from gay male cruising culture, and putting it out meant you were into a.
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Putting out a certain bandana and a certain color meant that you were into that sexual activity.
00:15:28.972 --> 00:15:44.239
Yellow meant water sports, Red meant fisting, Black was BDSM, Green meant that you would pay for sex Lots of different things.
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Orange was anything goes.
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So I think you know there's there's definitely been this um, this resurgence of individuals trying to really share hey, I'm kind of into this in a place where it might not be accepted.
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Oh hey, look, there's an orange bandana.
00:16:02.885 --> 00:16:04.626
Oh hey, look, there's an orange bandana.
00:16:05.907 --> 00:16:09.229
At my store I definitely saw people coming in with their collars on.
00:16:09.229 --> 00:16:19.278
So if they were in a dom submissive relationship, the subbie would have the collar on with the lock on it.
00:16:19.278 --> 00:16:35.875
We definitely had people who come into the store that were wearing the tails and they were like more like into the puppy play and things like that, pretending like they're an animal, a tiger or feline of some kind, and they would wear their tails either attached to their jeans or their pants, all kinds of things.
00:16:35.875 --> 00:16:40.216
I was like I learned so much those five years of having that boutique, but it's cool.
00:16:40.216 --> 00:16:47.019
It's like, basically it's a different kind of self-expression, but you're expressing, expressing or sexuality right.
00:16:47.581 --> 00:17:02.702
The thing that I thought was so cool learning about signaling was that in Florida retirement communities it's not uncommon for them to put different colored loofahs on their car antennas or their golf cart antennas.
00:17:03.090 --> 00:17:03.291
On their.
00:17:03.311 --> 00:17:08.152
Cadillacs, yeah, to indicate you know that they like hey, you want to come.
00:17:08.152 --> 00:17:09.694
You know, like hey girl.
00:17:11.960 --> 00:17:13.623
Hey, I have some Viagra on me tonight.
00:17:13.623 --> 00:17:14.084
Watch out.
00:17:15.470 --> 00:17:19.640
I'm living in a retirement community, that's what I'm going to like Hell.
00:17:19.640 --> 00:17:20.942
Yeah, that's great.
00:17:20.942 --> 00:17:22.069
I'm like this.
00:17:22.069 --> 00:17:24.011
You know it doesn't even end.
00:17:24.011 --> 00:17:26.553
You know, once you get older it's like, oh really.
00:17:27.034 --> 00:17:33.557
I'm sure you've heard about how retirement communities have a lot of higher STD rates.
00:17:33.557 --> 00:17:34.318
Mm-hmm.
00:17:34.318 --> 00:17:39.362
They think that they're invincible, first of all, and then also women outlive men.
00:17:39.362 --> 00:17:47.186
So the men are scarce and they are, they're being, they're not wearing protection all the time.
00:17:47.627 --> 00:17:54.300
Right, well, and they're having multiple partners and little sex parties and things that happen.
00:17:54.300 --> 00:17:55.844
I mean, it's so popular.
00:17:55.844 --> 00:18:08.174
Even Bob's Burgers did an episode on it and it was hilarious, like, but very, also very heartwarming because Linda, the daughter, doesn't want her mom and dad to be doing it, but then this realizes how happy it makes them.
00:18:08.895 --> 00:18:10.861
It's so cute I mean there is.
00:18:10.861 --> 00:18:17.795
It's nobody really likes to think about their parents having sex, but what I used to tell people is remember that means they probably still really like each other.
00:18:17.795 --> 00:18:21.569
So if you want your parents to stay together, it's probably a good thing.
00:18:21.569 --> 00:18:26.574
Nobody wants to really think about it, but right it an indication that they're still having a decent relationship.
00:18:26.594 --> 00:18:30.916
Yeah, and why wouldn't you want to be Like we're all going to get old?
00:18:30.916 --> 00:18:36.681
We're all going to get to the point where we still are feeling sexually active.
00:18:36.681 --> 00:18:48.494
Maybe we have different mobility issues due to age, but we're still going to be thinking and acting like we probably do, as we are now, like I think I'm 18 in my brain.
00:18:48.776 --> 00:18:49.218
Exactly.
00:18:49.218 --> 00:19:03.471
Well, we all got here the same way and that means also we're all going to have old sex and, just like we were talking about, I think, at a different episode, more than likely almost all of us are going to experience some kind of disability at some point in our lives.
00:19:03.471 --> 00:19:18.580
So you know, while it's fun to make fun of our president, I don't make fun of his weight or the fact that he sometimes may wear a diaper, because y'all you might be wearing a diaper one day too, so let's not make fun of that.
00:19:18.580 --> 00:19:21.134
Here's another reason to make fun of him for.
00:19:21.655 --> 00:19:36.345
Exactly One of other reasons I was thinking about that Like we should an elderly sex episode, and you know who's a really good resource for that is my friend, jessica Drake.
00:19:36.345 --> 00:19:40.199
Your friend Jessica Drake, yeah, and you know, joan Price too.
00:19:40.199 --> 00:19:45.714
Exactly, they did a little collab together, that'd be cool, huh it's a great topic.
00:19:45.734 --> 00:19:46.115
I love it.
00:19:46.115 --> 00:19:47.038
I'll write that down.
00:19:47.580 --> 00:19:48.021
Okay.
00:19:48.021 --> 00:19:55.058
So yeah, I think you know we've had some really interesting abilities to do.
00:19:55.058 --> 00:19:58.999
Signaling there's even more.
00:19:58.999 --> 00:20:01.898
I mean, there's some that I think you know.
00:20:01.898 --> 00:20:14.583
People are saying things like toe jewelry or like little um clippy stuffed animals to backpacks for, like you know, in college and that kind of I don't know.
00:20:14.583 --> 00:20:23.371
Some of that stuff I think is just like oh, people have kind of like associated that thing, but I don't think it's like really real.
00:20:23.371 --> 00:20:24.833
But some of them are very, very real.
00:20:24.833 --> 00:20:26.634
So you have to don't think it's like really real, but some of them are very, very real.
00:20:26.634 --> 00:20:44.458
So you have to don't go approaching somebody that's like wearing an orange bandana, you know that, just coming out of the blue and saying something like give them, give them some space and check the situation before you go, run an option to do that, thank you, oh, pineapple, pineapple.
00:20:44.990 --> 00:20:46.336
Oh, I'm just drinking the pina colada.
00:20:48.730 --> 00:20:50.213
Exactly, you got to approach that stuff gently.
00:20:50.213 --> 00:20:59.060
Just the signal is letting you know it may be something or not exactly yeah, it's cool.
00:20:59.080 --> 00:20:59.501
I think it's cool.
00:20:59.501 --> 00:21:04.034
People are figuring out a way to communicate with one another just like belonging to any infinity group, right?
00:21:04.413 --> 00:21:05.174
right, yeah.
00:21:05.174 --> 00:21:09.559
What do you think the fat liberationist symbol should be?
00:21:09.559 --> 00:21:10.800
Or signal should be?
00:21:10.800 --> 00:21:11.721
We need one.
00:21:13.364 --> 00:21:14.305
I don't know, it should be purple.
00:21:15.306 --> 00:21:15.807
I like that.
00:21:16.049 --> 00:21:18.938
Well, according to the trolls, all fat girls like purple.
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